"'If there's specific resistance to women making movies, I just choose to ignore that as an obstacle for two reasons: I can't change my gender, and I refuse to stop making movies.'- Kathryn Bigelow, director of Near Dark"
Negative review I just wrote on Amazon
Fri, 08/07/2009 - 11:42
Okay, I watched this movie the other night with my roommate, who got it from the filmmaker requesting a review.
It was quite possibly the worst film I had seen in a long time. So bad, in fact, that (I didn't think this was possible) that I was actually offended on some primordial level by how horrific and awful it was.
I can't describe it well - its not just that the filmmaker was bad with a camera or wrote a crappy story - there's more to it. There was a pervading sense of arrogance to the whole thing. As if they thought it was good because they think they're 'horror aficionados' and things like acting, writing, directing, special effects, and editing are unimportant when making a movie as long as you have female nudity.
I was offended by their smug attitude. And I was offended that the filmmaker, one Jim Haggerty, calls the film Jim Haggerty's 'Grave Danger'. As if 'he' is a real director and that lends credence to the awful film. As if he 'deserves' to get attention for this because in his own mind he's some kind of genius. Ugh.
THEN, I find out they're actually CHARGING MONEY on AMAZON for this pile. I knew I had to do something. Justice called.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002DVAZTK/ref=cm_cr_thx_view
So I posted the following negative review in hopes that no one will be suckered into actually paying money for this arrogant, unwatchable pile.
You don't have to judge this movie by its crappy cover art alone - one viewing will be the most excruciating cinematic experience you've had in a long time.
(cover, FYI)Poor dialogue, horrible cinematography of the most juvenile and hack kind, plus some obviously uncomfortable nude non-professional actresses shot in bad lighting with seemingly little or no direction are actually the highlights of the anthology.
The poorly conceived wraparound segments involve a very amateur actress being harassed via the phone by a weird crank caller who somehow convinces her to play a 'game' involving trading scary stories. he eventually convinces this poor girl to take her clothes off as well.
The 'segments' are mostly boring and somewhat nonsensical little movies involving a complete rip off of the 'Zuni warrior fetish doll' sequence in the TV anthology trilogy of Terror (except with a cheap African statue laying around the house accompanied by Native American repetitive music); a man who believes he is being followed by someone only to discover.... he is being followed; and a really bad rip-off of the 'killer dummy' idea used so many times before, even as far back as the original Twilight Zone series in 1960.
There's nothing original about this film; it's not well made, its not well though-out, and it doesn't offer any artistic or cinematic skill or care to the viewer;. Instead, its a cheapie made by a guy who doesn't have any film making skill who got his ordinary friends to 'act' in his film for free, and somehow convinced ordinary women to take their clothes off for him (may I note, that even though there is a sex scene in the film, no men ever take off any articles of clothing).
There's no excuse for charging people money for a copy of this film. It should be, at most, free for anyone who decides they want to see it. Unless you have a large collection of the worst films anyone has ever seen, and you are hoping to add to that collection, I highly suggest avoiding this nonsense at all costs. People making incompetent junk like this are flooding the market with their amateur crap, and its disgusting that they'd try to actually take someone else's money for a copy of it.
Be warned!
So, you think I was harsh, maybe? To my credit the director adds this in his bio on http://www.yellowape.net:
"I hate editing," Haggerty says. "It's the worst. Shooting a movie is my favorite thing to do in the world. My second favorite is showing my completed film to an audience and seeing how they react to it. The bits in the middle that involve sitting and watching endless takes and re-takes and stitching them together and re-stitching them is torturous."
About the next film he shot, and the editing process (his wife is his editor), he says this in his bio:
"After our honeymoon," Haggerty says. "I had tons of footage of us walking around Vegas having a good time together that thought could be edited down to a fun little video. Susan went online, downloaded some really crappy free program, and even though it was hard to work with and very limiting, she came up with a really great looking vacation video we could show people. This was when I realized she had a talent for this - and a lot of patience. We ran out and bought an editing system and Susan banged out a rough edit of 'Witchmaster General' in three weeks!"
(mind you, this is AFTER he shot 'Grave Danger')
What I don't understand is why he's getting positive review from loooowwww-budget review sites.
Rogue Cinema says, 'Grave Danger has it's fair share of frights and shower scenes, but it's also just fun, I defy you to sit and watch Grave Danger and not find something to like about this movie'.
Consider yourself defied.
Infernal dreams says, 'The film does have a lot of substance to it and it is a very good time.'
I don't know what opium pipe these folks or smoking, or what, but I seem to have a very different take on this film that the other reviewers.
Is it too harsh to judge a micro budget film in this way? I don't think so. If you have a good story, well-written dialogue, a decent director, and competent use of ANY camera, you can come up with a better film than this. I truly believe that.
Fri, 08/07/2009 - 19:46
#2
At first I thought it was a Kids in the Hall sketch, then I realized that it was for real. The incredibly bad screams over the phone. The 40 yr. old stripper, I mean, doctor. Vic Martino who learned everything he needed to know about acting from watching Joe Pesci films. The Wal-Mart quality dummy apparently doing sit ups. The worst line readings ever (even worse than Ryan O'Neil's in Tough Guys Don't Dance). Orville Redenbacher as a peeping tom. The dummy watching the girl take a shower. The most unconvincing death screams in any movie ever made. (Who says "oww oww oww oww oww oww" when they get stabbed in the throat 20 times?)
Jessica
Sat, 08/08/2009 - 22:20
#3
Sun, 08/09/2009 - 06:49
#4
Jeebus, I hate to speak so badly of another person's film but that looks pretty awful. "Micro-budget" does not have to equal crap! You are so right on about the fact that a good story and competent cast & crew can make any film enjoyable, regardless of the budget. This just looks totally devoid of any artistic merit whatsoever. It's kind of sad.
Sun, 08/09/2009 - 11:22
#5
It was very weird to watch. My rommate and I (let's call her The Staciepondertron 9000) are used to watching allll kinds of weird stuff - from high budget and bad to low budget and awesome and everything in between. We're not snobs - we make some low budget shit ourselves, and i would never hold a low budget against a film. BUT I do hold bad story and bad acting and bad directing and bad writing against any kind of budget.
Sun, 08/09/2009 - 11:39
#6
Dude, he just replied to my review:
James Haggerty says:
I generally don't make a point to comment on reviews of my films - whether good or bad - because I believe everyone has a right to their opinions and reviews are essentially just opinions. However, I feel this is less a review than an attack and I'm pretty sure I know who is behind it based on certain little references within. You'll notice 'Superhelidi' of California has never reviewed another film before or since - usually the case with people who post 'reviews' on these type of forums with an agenda.
While it doesn't really bother me that 'Superheidi' feels I have no 'film making skill' (I should mention I am currently wrapping my sixth feature length film right now - not bad for a guy with no skill), it does bother me that the insinuation is made that my cast are not actors and actresses and simply friends of mine. The cast is comprised of a very talented group of actors that were auditioned or had worked with me previously on other films and have had quite a bit of good experience in film and theater. As a filmmaker I was very happy with all the performances and was very gratified to have such talented people bring my vision to life. If 'Superheidi' is who I think they are (and several factors point to that) I think it's pathetic to try and attack me by not only knocking my work but the work of a very talented cast of players.
I should mention that both the film and the cast are highly praised in several reviews on sites like www.roguecinema.com, www.scaredstiffreviews.com, and www.infernaldreams.net among others, and I recommend anyone interested in this film to check out those sites for an honest and open-minded appraisal and not just a slam by an obviously biased writer.
That's all I wanted to say, and I hope folks out there will check out "Grave Danger" with an open mind - the excellent cast and myself feel it is an enjoyable and fun horror anthology. I look forward to reading legitimate and fair feedback on the film once it is released.
Good luck in all things,
Jim Haggerty
Producer/Writer/Director
"Grave Danger"
I love that he thinks I'm some other person who is out to get him.
Sun, 08/09/2009 - 15:14
#7
Sun, 08/09/2009 - 20:21
#8
Mon, 08/10/2009 - 00:03
#9
Heidi, I think you've done this guy a favor and inadvertently turned Grave Danger into a cult classic. Because now, whenever I need some cheap comic relief, I click on the movie trailer while keeping in mind both your Amazon review and the writer/director's retort. I can make it to about the part where they show the puppet before laughing. This movie may become a so-bad-it's-good. It's absolutely begging for a Mystery Science Theater-type commentary. Also, not to be a dumb guy or anything, but that woman in the trailer on the bed in her underwear is like, hot and stuff.
(Phone rings)
Creep: Hello, Becky.
Becky: Who is this?
Creep: I wanted to tell you that your acting career is in grave danger.
Becky (twirls hair): What kind of grave danger?
Mon, 08/10/2009 - 07:02
#10
Mon, 08/10/2009 - 09:05
#11
(Phone rings)
Creep: Hello, Becky.
Becky: Who is this?
Creep: I wanted to tell you that your acting career is in grave danger.
Becky (twirls hair): What kind of grave danger?
That would have made the film MUCH better. LOL
How about...
Stripper St. John: I'm Becky's stripper, I mean, 'Doctor'. And I'm calling because I think her acting career is in Grave Danger. yes, I'll hold.
or
Old Lady: John, my acting career isn't going to get better. Look at me. It's just going to get worse.
Who is in favor of re-shooting this trailer as a spoof?
Mon, 08/10/2009 - 10:32
#12
How about "Gay Danger!" An anthology about an evil gay dummy, an evil gay totem and an evil gay Orville Redenbacker with his popcorn of evil gay doom!
And instead of 'Deep Throat' from Watergate warning Woodward and Bernstein about Watergate, this inside informer is 'Big Mouth' and only appears on film as a giant mouth.
Jessica
Mon, 08/10/2009 - 19:50
#13
ashar I think you might be right. On a whim last winter I purchased 200 low budget horror movies off Amazon because they were cheap and because as a horror nerd I expected to unearth plenty of gems. I mean, out of two hundred, how could there not be gems? Okay, out of the 4 box sets, I found one movie that was mildly amusing, and that's because of the dialogue (referenced a lot of old TV shows) and because Zombina and the Skeletones had two songs in it. I think I gave myself (more) brain damage watching those box sets. My favorite kind of horror movie is a low budget one that's actually good, but it's shocking how few of those there are.
Mon, 08/10/2009 - 21:10
#14
Mon, 08/10/2009 - 21:53
#15
Tue, 08/11/2009 - 10:19
#16
Tue, 08/11/2009 - 10:33
#17
Tue, 08/11/2009 - 12:46
#18
Shower of Blood has the best (and I mean best as in hysterically horrible) ADR ever. Like the scene where someone eats a gumball and they apparently ADR'd in the sound of a dog chewing on a bone.
It also has some of the best (as in hysterically horrible) CGI I've ever seen in a feature - stuff that looks like it came out of a mid 1990s computer game demo.
Shower of Blood actually makes Hobgoblins looks like an Academy Award winning film.
Jessica
Tue, 08/11/2009 - 14:39
#19
Tue, 08/11/2009 - 15:03
#20
Sat, 08/22/2009 - 09:06
#21
This has been a rather amusing discussion I must say. LOL!
I was actually just going to order this one and the director's other film WITCHMASTER GENERAL w/Suzi Lorraine and Phil Lewis. Have you seen that one Heidi?
Personally, I don't care if it's as bad as you say it is or if it's as good as the director and the other sites say. One way or another if it's low budget, has a director who was passionate about his work, and got the best actors he could afford, it will always have a special place in my collection. And I do have a BIG collection. (Did you see the pics in the emails I sent last night?)
The company (Yellow Ape Productions) is releasing Mr. Haggerty's next film FROM THE INSIDE this fall. I'll be looking forward to that one too!
Sun, 08/23/2009 - 14:44
#22
Mario sounds like the director's friend... LOL
There's low-budget, from directors who can laugh at their gaffs, and then theire arrogance, like Haggerty has demonstrated, that is a total turnoff.
Since I know the book industry, I can compare it there. You've got some self-published authors who are very humble about their work-- they know they cut some corners and sacrificed some stuff regarding their books and the decision to self-pub. You can respect their works--no matter how bad the book is-- because they aren't like the self-published authors who suddenly believe they are 'experienced' authors and know it all about the industry, who brag about their work and believe that everyone in the world wants to read their self-edited, $25, 100 page horror/sci-fi/lit fic masterpiece, and therefore turn a reader off to it so strongly that the readers then develops a bad taste in their mouth.
Sun, 08/23/2009 - 20:24
#23
I don't know Ash,
I'm tempted to wonder if it's not the man himself! 
I mean, he's pretty much plugging the other films and the company in a pretty blatent promo-ing. Hmmmm... Conspiracy?
And I agree with you about the self publishing bit. While I'm very much against self-publishing for the most part I much prefer to deal with self-published authors that are humble than the ones that are always waving a cheap pay-to-print in my face and telling me they're awesome. On that thought, if someone waves anything in my face screaming that they're awesome I'm pretty much put off right away. Unless that person is truly awesome, like Brad Pitt. (I don't care what anyone says, he's such a hot vampire.)
Which is probably why this "movie" irratates me. Even if the movie was good I think his arrogance would put me off.
Mon, 08/24/2009 - 16:29
#24
FTR, I'm in no way, shape or form a shill for Jim Haggerty. I was just saying that regardless of what people have said about the movie, I'm willing to check it out for myself since I'm somebody who always supports the indies and encourages others to do so. Sorry if I offended anyone with my post. That was not my intention.
Mon, 08/24/2009 - 16:51
#25
Mon, 08/24/2009 - 17:12
#26
FTR, I'm in no way, shape or form a shill for Jim Haggerty. I was just saying that regardless of what people have said about the movie, I'm willing to check it out for myself since I'm somebody who always supports the indies and encourages others to do so. Sorry if I offended anyone with my post. That was not my intention.
i can vouvh for mario! he's real.
Mon, 08/24/2009 - 21:20
#27
Tue, 08/25/2009 - 20:54
#28
Tue, 08/25/2009 - 20:58
#29
This has been a rather amusing discussion I must say. LOL!
I was actually just going to order this one and the director's other film WITCHMASTER GENERAL w/Suzi Lorraine and Phil Lewis. Have you seen that one Heidi?
Personally, I don't care if it's as bad as you say it is or if it's as good as the director and the other sites say. One way or another if it's low budget, has a director who was passionate about his work, and got the best actors he could afford, it will always have a special place in my collection. And I do have a BIG collection. (Did you see the pics in the emails I sent last night?)
The company (Yellow Ape Productions) is releasing Mr. Haggerty's next film FROM THE INSIDE this fall. I'll be looking forward to that one too!
I love Suzi Lorraine! I'll have to check that out.
Sat, 08/29/2009 - 10:44
#30
Sat, 08/29/2009 - 14:50
#31
Sat, 08/29/2009 - 15:16
#32
Mon, 09/21/2009 - 16:59
#33
Well thank you gang on here because I almost queued these two flicks this morning on netflix. They are just being released today! I did not queue these and this is coming from someone who loves low budget, no budget, micro and low rent flicks! Hmmmmm Header anyone? Heck I loved Header but somehow these two flicks I don't think could even touch the entertainment value I found in Header. Just saying...... btw - his arrogant reply in regards to his skills and his actors bother me as well. At least if you're going to produce crap like this, be honest and admit it's crap and that you're not the next Robert Altman! Dang!
Here's another btw - I sure as heck would be angry if I picked this up and some shills on popular critic sites hadn't been honest about it so I truly appreciate Heidi's honest review. I too wonder what these others were smoking when handing out good quotes regarding this flick.
Wed, 09/30/2009 - 15:38
#34
Thu, 10/01/2009 - 12:14
#35
I have some bad news. I'm afraid your acting career is in grave danger. I mean zombies going haywire at a rave danger. I mean zombie slave Kennith anger danger. Wait, I mean zombie with a dagger danger. Hang on, fuck, I'm getting another call. (Long wait). That was my mom. She was just calling to let me know that your career is in even more grave danger than we originally suspected.
Thu, 10/01/2009 - 12:18
#36
Wow. The guy who made it is an idiot.