Gutterballs (2008)

By GabbyGoff on March 21st, 2008

Reviews

Review by Gabby Goff
Written and Directed by Ryan Nicholson
Featuring: Scott Alonzo, Saraphina Bardeaux, Jeremy Beland, Jimmy Blais, Nathan Dashwood, Dan Ellis, Alastair Gamble, Trevor Gemma, Wade Gibb, Candice Lewald, Danielle Munro, Stephanie Schacter, Mihola Terzic, Nathan Witte
2008, Plotdigger Films
myspace.com/BallsOnTheChin
This movie and this review have been gathering dust since I started writing it a couple of weeks ago. I have been hesitant to share it, due to its affronting nature. But I am finally sharing it and I warn you in advance, there are spoilers. Also, there is ranting. With that in mind, here’s the review.

Once I saw the artwork for “Gutterballs”, there was an immediate connection made between it and “Maniac”, obviously visually, but mentally as well. In fact, it had triggered a need for me to watch it again—I really dig Maniac. By the way, I must note that the only similarities between “Maniac” and “Gutterballs” is that Frank Zito (Joe Spinell) is seen carrying a bowling bag in a few of the opening scenes of Maniac. “Gutterballs” features a killer, suitably acronym-ed “BBK” or “Bowling Bag Killer”. Also, you will see similarities to other flicks in this movie as well. More “nods” in the direction of other formulaic horror movies, i.e. a mask…er, bowling bag with eye-holes which seems to be a tie-in to the mask-wearing murderers such as Meyers; two-dimensional, stereotypical teens who get killed off, one by one... Maybe we’re playing some kind of horror treasure-hunt? I leave it to you.

"Gutterballs” opens in a bowling alley (hence the title, yay!) where we are introduced to three groups of people who are enjoying a few rounds of midnight disco bowl-o-rama. One group comprises of a girl named Lisa in a micro-mini that exposes the fact that she shaves above the knee and has no idea what a bowling ball is (in the end, this too, will make no sense), a transvestite who is the most outspoken character for the women’s group, yet still falls victim to acting like a sex-obsessed slut, and two other females dressed par-for-the course—they being girls who are dressed like hookers and are unknowingly about to die. Their names are Sarah, Julia, and Cindy.

Moving on, the other groups are comprised of males. Group one, the antagonists, are stereotypical cat-calling, mouthy, frat-boys with nothing better to do than talk about how slutty Lisa is. The most irritating, foul-mouthed, and all around obnoxious one is Steve, the ring-leader if you will. He’s the catalyst for this flick… believe it or not, Steve’s performance and Sarah’s are the performances that I really enjoyed. Steve is imposing and easy to hate. But I have to say that I enjoyed everyone’s performances. An actor is no one without accompaniment and a supporting cast. Now I bring you to the third group, the “good guys”. The cute harmless ones that stick up for the girls and girlfriends, and their “wanna-be” friend. Oh, then there’s Billy Bob Thornton! Wait, that’s not Billy Bob? Hmmm…oh well. And now, away we go!

Dan Ellis is not reprising the role of SlingBlade...but close.

What struck me initially about “Gutterballs” was the fact that once again, we have vapid horny girls (females with no brains). To interject, I would like to see something more intelligent as far as female roles go and I am not talking, “Hey, she can carry a knife, run, not fall down, and ends up killing the killer”. That isn’t what I mean. I am also not seeking the female-killer scenario either. I’m saying that there are females out there who are just as mouthy, smart, and strong as the guys who rush in to save the damsels-in-distress; Imagine if you will…(heh) women who are not afraid to throw a bowling ball in your direction or to challenge a person with a stare. Or to say something that is offensive, or even something that is extremely witty in defense of herself and her compadres. Instead of disgusted glares, give me a woman that can show-up an idiot like Steve who is nothing more than a self-made ruler who surrounds himself with idiots who hang around him out of fear of getting victimized by his angry tirades. Yeah Lisa spoke up, if you want to call flipping someone the bird and telling them to ‘fuck off’ or attacking the size of a man’s dick as defense. Sure. That’s empowering…

You poked me in my fuggin' EYE!

Steve attempted the ol' crush-a-beer-can on his head trick with a glass bottle.
It didn't work out as expected.

With that off my chest—Now, on to this movie, “Gutterballs”: Let’s see, we have a killer, “BBK”. We have victims, we have rape (an extremely uncomfortable and unbelievable rape scene that involves a bowling pin), and we have a motive. It all happens because Lisa is a bit too snobby to the boys next door, not sharing her shorn-wares and snubbing them, and after everyone closes shop for the night Lisa realizes that she has left her purse inside. She goes back in to retrieve it, her friends momentarily worry but Lisa says, “It’s okay, the janitor is my boyfriend”. Wait a minute, huh? Does Jamie know about this? Jamie is her boyfriend…he is one of the “good guy” bowlers, and he was best friends with Steve (if you can believe it). Are you thrown off the scent yet? Shouldn't her friends know by now who Lisa is dating, who her father is, and being teens, wouldn't these girls say, "Eww!" at this comment? Well anyway, her friends leave. Lisa searches the seating in front of the alleys and underneath the scoring tables to no avail. She thinks it may have made its way to the arcade upstairs. So off she goes.

This is one for Scoob and the gang.

I'll bet it's Old Man Withers!

This is where she is accosted by the group of guys and raped—I would add the word brutally, but that would be stupid because rape is never nice. Ever. Lisa is left twitching on a pool table with a bowling pin rammed between her blood-soaked thighs. This rape is not caught in the act due to the Janitor's inability to hear anything over the whirr of the industrial floor polisher. We move on to the next night. Everyone shows up, like normal, and wouldn’t you know it? Lisa shows up! Lisa is wearing short-shorts, a tight shirt, high heels, and shades…at night…because her future’s so bright. Okay, she is dressed this way to throw everyone off the trail, right? In my opinion it offers nothing new in the way of characters or killers. It has a “twist” ending which really didn’t do anything for me (all I kept thinking was “is someone a fan of Scream, or what?”) and it seemed out of control. Many questions came to mind like, “what the fuck?” and “huh?”

Kudos to the editing team because it was decently paced with few inconsistencies. Kudos to the set folks because I really loved the colors that were emphasized in this film i.e. the neon green-yellow-pink bowling balls, the black-light theme, and the eighties style ward-robe. I mean, as far as my knowledge goes, this is a technically good movie. Technically in the sense that props, lighting, editing, acting…all very well done. Rape IS brutal and not something that can be cured with a bit of bed-rest like the common-fucking-cold. Lisa hardly acted traumatized—more like someone who was sulking over her troubles at home rather than someone who was revisiting the place where such brutality took place. Believable? Not-at-all. I am sorry, a bowling pin? In the crotch? She would be in way too much pain to wear the short-shorts, let alone walk normally. Am I picking this apart? You bet I am.

Off the motive, sure, if you like watching transvestites get their penis’s sheared off and if you like to see royally annoying guys get it in the end (quite literally) and see some interesting deaths via bowling pins then run right out and find yourself a copy of this movie. The deaths were uncomfortable and predictable all at once. There’s a make-out scene that ends brutally. There are some dead bodies, there’s brainless bimbos, there’s boobs and blood, there are some psychoses…Gorehounds, rejoice in the buckets of blood that Gutterballs delivers. But if you are watching it to get some sort of satisfaction from watching an original story—look elsewhere.

I would have MUCH rather have seen the obvious plot come to fruition, rather than the one that did—girl gets raped, girl returns to kill the men who raped her. Not ‘girl gets raped. Girl comes back to the place of victimization, and then friends and foe alike get killed’—oh hey is it any more obvious who the killer is? No, because hey, her friends are getting killed too! GASP! I wonder who the killer could be. My my my…oh, where is my hero when I need one!

"Jaimie" portrayed by Nathan Witte

Bleh! Want a spoiler or three? No? Well tough shit. Ready? She did it, but she didn’t do it alone. Of course she got help from her daddy, aka Billy Bob aka the janitor! And of course her boyfriend was in on it. But wait, one of the RAPISTS was in on it? That one was a set-up, sure, but it wasn’t well executed. Why couldn’t the women’s team stand on their own? Why couldn’t it be awesomely kick-ass to where hey, the girls were just being girls and they are totally outstanding bowlers…why couldn’t we have the girls (transvestite included) turn around and avenge their friend Lisa? Why couldn’t the good guys be clueless and why couldn’t we have the twist be, one of the rapists decides he likes the brutality so much he goes on to try and kill off the other teams, but the girls team-up and kill off the frat boys? It would be vengeance as well as being competitive. Oh well, I hear that originality is dead.

I have to send my kudos to everyone who worked on this movie, including the writer/director Ryan Nicholson, and especially the actors. I have to say this movie is very well-made, but original? Intriguing? Surprised? Nope. Oh wait, there is one last surprise in the end. A lone survivor. Is this supposed to be redemption for this movie? You decide.

P.S. I really dug the soundtrack.