Fake Movie Review: Passion of the Christ 2: Dawn of the Christ

Movie Review: The Passion of the Christ 2: Dawn of the Christ

by Lois Lame

A scant 5 years after Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" swept box offices across the nation as the highest grossing, non-English language R rated film of all time, venerable horror director George Romero tackles the complexities of resetting the sequel in modern day Pittsburgh during a zombie outbreak. Fans of Romero, many of who were disappointed by his two latest offerings, will rejoice and have plenty to cheer for in "Passion of the Christ 2: Dawn of the Christ", where Romero returns to form in a non-stop roller coaster ride of action and suspense set in a bleak post-apocalyptic zombie landscape that was once Pittsburgh.

Romero takes the most direct and simple route available for sequel: a large, multinational corporation has unearthed ancient remains in a stone crypt carved into the side of a mountain while building a new Holiday Inn outside of Jerusalem, and according to ancient Hebrew Rabbinical law, now has to send the remains to Pittsburgh for forensic DNA analysis. Jeffery Combs expertly plays an assistant to the corporation's C.E.O with a deep, dark secret in his past.

Once in the University of Pittsburgh forensic laboratory, Romero wastes no time getting straight to the action. Plenty of unusually camera angles, foreboding sounds, and flickering in the shadows set the stage for the dramatic event - the remains are those of Jesus Christ. Understandably upset over this discovery, and after ignoring the advice of a Roman Catholic Bishop, played with great aplomb by Bruce Campbell, Jesus is resurrected.

Incidentally, the line "Jesus Christ! It's Jesus Christ!", uttered by Jeff Goldblum, playing an uncredited role as a forensic DNA laboratory technician, easily drew the most guffaws in the theatre, before having his throat ripped out by the undead Christ. After finishing off the Goldblum, Christ, after having spent over 2,000 years having followers symbolically eat his flesh and drink his blood every Sunday, immediately begins searching for more of the living in order to return the favor, and turning more and more of them into brain dead, shambling followers in the process.

TPOTC2:DOFC also stars ruggedly handsome "American Idol" alumni Kris Allen as a diesel mechanic trapped in the city after the dead begin to walk the earth. Charisma Carpenter plays his romantic interest with a dark secret, and Dennis Hopper makes an extended cameo as a demented children's show host who, trapped in a TV studio, offers children in the audience to the bloodthirsty Christ and his undead followers.

Pittsburgh never looked more alive as literally thousands of extras were used as zombies and entire sections of the city were shut down to accommodate filming, and even Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter makes an appearance as himself at a news conference when city wide quarantine is first announced before being flown to Washington in a helicopter to escape the zombie plague.

Will "Dawn of the Christ" usher in a new era of religiously themed, zombie movies set in Pennsylvania? Only time (and the box office) will tell.