The Children (2008)

It's rare that a film features children behaving as they are actually inclined to behave. Too often screenwriters, directors, and others in responsible chairs simply forget how children act; they forget that children are, at some fundamental level, retarded and sniveling little disease carriers. They are, one in all, boogery little pockets of petulant pestilence inclined to suck all joy from an otherwise happy life. Given their propensity for expense and woe, it should be no small step for children to rise up and attempt to slaughter all of the adults around them in a blind and raging orgy of blood.

Don’t laugh. It just might happen, folks. It just might happen!

A small circle of family, friends, and their horde of small children are all set to enjoy a beautiful white Christmas. Snow is fresh in the yard, wine is fresh in the glass, and great gobs of fresh snot is stuffed up the children's noses. Typical family drama flashes for the occasion, while an atypical illness riddles the kids to liven things up. The adults are a bit too busy with booze and petty quarrels to notice the rather startling change this uncommon cold has on their own children; a change that soon forces the grown-ups to fight for their lives against a ruthless cunning rarely seen this side of eight years old.

Despite an arguably goofy premise, The Children rapidly establishes tension and suspense with a remarkable brilliance. Thunderclouds of dark anxiety build early on in the film, carried by the expressions of strange and uncanny malevolence in the children's faces; an effect that is kept subtle, low key, and controlled. Never are the kids shown outright sneering, or struggling to make "evil" faces (see the mediocre remake of The Omen for an example of this). Instead, there is just something about them that is out of whack, something mean. Soon enough, it is revealed that the children are possessed by an aggression that first manifests in the setting of cunning traps for careless adults, and eventually results in outright murderous aggression.

The tension and suspense explode in the latter half of the film in bursts of crazy violence. When the adults finally realize that it is full out warfare with the children, some of them begin to fight back; and their retaliation is shocking and perhaps even hilarious for those of us with a warped sense of humor. It is a human reaction to cheer film protagonists when they manage to smash a villain into the ground. In The Children, those villains just happen to be five or six years old. The absurdity of cheering on violence against small children might strike some as really, really funny. It did for me. It made me howl!

Some of the adults were shown to be more willing to defend themselves against the dangerous ragamuffins than others. It's a fair question to ask yourself; how well would you do against a horde of mewling children, all crazy and hungry for your blood? I can't help but have some confidence against that sort of adversary. I'm good for a hundred or more five-year-olds, even if they're wielding tiny clubs, or those dangerous little construction paper scissors. A great strategy would be to pick a child up and use it as a 45-pound club, swinging it in great swathes to cut down the masses of snarling and charging youngsters. As soon as that club got wore out, or fell apart, or whatever, you could just pick up another one, and swing away! It'd be like Brock Samson versus the minions of the Monarch, only we'd all be a lot smaller and I wouldn't have a cool mullet.

Rage films have been popular in past years, established with the strong success of 28 Days Later. The Children, while utilizing a variation of the same gimmick, manages to bring something new and fun to the table; it actually manages to make small children scary. This is no small feat! It must have been very tempting for director Tom Shankland, and others behind the film, to add other, more blatant, gags; a scene where rabid children assault a Santa Clause is distinctly missing. Instead, by managing restraint and keeping the tone serious, they built the tension high and the entertainment solid. This film will surprise many. Go watch this film when you have the chance.