So this sorority house is short one cook. Enter “The Cook” , who makes it hilarious and fills the position without one worry about how to speak that bothersome language of English. Anyone got a translation book handy? I mean, I laughed because how ridiculous is this? A cook…from hungary! (Snicker!) It is okay, you can roll your eyes and still laugh. At any rate he is docile at first and quite charming —what with his blonde hair, striking smile, and lack of communication skills— but something in the way one of the slutty sorority girls touches his cutlery sets him off and sends him into a cross-eyed rage! The cook goes through and kills each girl one-by-one and feeds them to the other girls in the house (I wonder, can STD’s be transmitted via sloppy-joe?), all the while he is baring his soul and murderous intent to the quiet bookish girl because she is beautiful and nice to him. Oh, and she doesn’t touch his damn knives!

I also noted the rather obvious references to horror movies past. It’s like getting elbowed by that one slightly annoying friend who won’t shut up during the movie. A few of the characters discuss some scene from Halloween 4 while playing a board game, and getting super drunk while the scene that they are describing from said movie is played out in the kitchen between the cook and the Domme. SO there ya go. I ask, is this a test? I mean, were these things thrown in to see how many people would make reference to them after this point? How about a re-watch to see what we missed?

 I do personally get a little tired of throw-backs even though I do sometimes enjoy nostalgia. When you are hit over the head with it however, you find yourself resting in your own drool as the credits roll. Yet, who wouldn’t laugh at ridiculous lines such as, “I—am cook!”  and “OKAY!” followed by a thumbs up. They are as filling and good for you as bubble gum, but they are delivered fairly well by Mark Hengst who can pull off good looking and annoying at the same time while making me chortle. Yes, chortle.

It all seems a bit too familiar, and you can be disappointed that the girls didn’t even give the guy a run for his money. Seriously. Where it fails to be funny, and creative, it makes up for with Mr. and Mrs. Eye-Candy, and a bit of fluff…er, I mean blood. Though I would much rather watch the aforementioned “House on Sorority Row”, I enjoyed the performances of Penny Drake (Domme Anastasia), Kit Paquin (Bunny), Brooke Lenzi (Kristen), and Mark Hengst. I can’t exactly put my finger on it (not that I would, I may never get it back) but it drags in places, though the dialog seems like someone was having fun. The Cook, of course, finds the bookish-good-girl attractive in her good manners and naivety—and inability to think to find a Hungarian-to-English translation book…or to use the computer—and her sweetness is definitely something that he is saving for last. As dessert is meant to be enjoyed.  Anyhow, “The Cook”, in a nutshell: ridiculous, a bit stale, mostly unimpressive, but not without its few and far between, funny moments.

P.S.: I like some of the music in this. A good soundtrack is always appreciated.