Fake Blood
Written by Monica Puller, Mitsu Bitchi, and Andrew Shearer
Starring: Andrew Shearer, Monica Puller, Mitsu Bitchi, Cara Lott, Teresa Sullens, Countess Samela
Gonzoriffic films
Release date: 12/18/07
Review by Superheidi
Truly “indie” in every sense of the word, Gonzoriffic films has consistently created some of the most ingeniously fun female characters in low budget camp cinema in films like Disaster For Christmas (2004) Cannibal Sisters (2006) and Psychovixens (2004) because they’ve been beholden to no distributors and were fiercely intent on presenting women in entertaining and non-traditional roles. Largely due to the influence of the other half of Gonzoriffic films, Monica Puller, the shorts have always had a strange mix of female strength and off-the-wall zaniness. Director Andrew Shearer’s first feature length film Fake Blood delivers not only the humor for which his shorts have been famous, but also takes an actually endearing look inside the world of an indie horror filmmaker with a mockumentary completely unlike previous efforts in the genre like Horror Business and American Movie. In fact, I’d have to say watching this disastrously bad low budget movie unfold is a lot like watching the terrible musical production in Waiting For Guffman…
Fake Blood is the story of Meredith and Ed Benjamin, a brother and sister team (played by Monica Puller and Andrew Shearer respectively) who set out to make a low budget horror movie. Ed’s wife (played by Cara Lott) is at first vehemently against the idea of spending their savings on the film, as she’s 6 months pregnant and concerned about the growing family. But when Ed and Meredith press her, she finally agrees to support their filmmaking careers if it will help them make more money with a distribution deal. And what kind of a movie sells? Meredith and Ed know: Lesbian vampires with blood, boobs, and bikinis. Lots of blood, boobs, and bikinis. And boobs. That’s what sells, and that’s exactly what they set out to make.
Enlisting the aid of sometime soap opera star Veronica Weaver as the ‘star” of the film, their attempts to find a second lead are thwarted ins some very funny ways. When Meredith is the only available female left who isn’t completely wrong for the part, she must doff her clothes and her inhibitions and get ready to get naked with Veronica in the sexiest lesbian vampire blood scenes ever. Only there’s another problem. Veronica turns out to be a complete psychotic bitch, dwarfing the fact that Meredith is actually doing a bang-up job as a lesbian vampire. Veronica won’t take her clothes off, and the nude scenes never actually get filmed. Shooting on Hi-8 (what distributors want these days, according to her) their camera girl Jen over lights and undershoots every scene she possible can. As tensions grow, and Ed wants to quit, it’s his wife that firmly puts her foot down and demands that they continue at any cost. After all, you don’t stop just filmmaking because things get hard… right?
This movie is seriously funny and seriously engaging. Monica Puller once again pulls off a natural performance as a hyperactive little sister who pulls through for her big brother, and Andrew Shearer himself is a sympathetic, if somewhat disappointed, filmmaker with an ever-unrealized vision. Mitsu Bitchi is quite possibly doing what she does best in the world: making fun of the cliché diva actress in an unwavering series of improv performances worthy of Saturday Night Live attention.
What’s nice about Fake Blood is that it incorporates everything you want to see in a horror film (tits, blood) while showing you how hard it is to actually get those things in a movie. Hell, it shows you how hard it actually is to make a movie, even when you’re using friends and your own house as a set. It’s dead-on in depicting the lack of planning, self-righteous crew and cast members, and just retarded scripts that are being used in low budget indie horror films everyday. It is also painfully accurate when the filming gets to a point that is no longer fun. Ed voices his disappointment by saying “This isn’t fun. I just wish this was over”. And truthfully, that’s how most indie horror filmmakers feel by the end of their ‘shoots’. For anyone who is a fan of low budget horror, there are a few inside jokes thrown in for good measure. If you recognize a blond, insane former soap-opera star who now acts in horror films, or have heard the line “Vampire Bitches” uttered in a documentary, you’ll get even more entertainment value out of Fake Blood. The most awesome aspect of reality that Shearer tucked into his movie is the character of Mrs. Benjamin, the pregnant wife, who is not only the voice of reason but the supportive column upon which Ed, and the entire film, rests. Like so many wives of indie horror filmmakers, she is an unwavering character of strength without which Ed would be unable to complete his film.
Fake Blood is not an all-out insane gore-fun-craziness fest that some Gonzoriffic fans may want and expect. It has some of those things, but it’s more sophisticated and natural than anything they’ve created before. Check out the awesome special features including fake actress audition tapes, bloopers, an interview with Veronica Weaver, and some kick ass other stuff that actually make you happy that there’s a ‘special features’ section.
